Below are the 6 most recent journal entries recorded in solitarerider's LiveJournal:

Saturday, January 7th, 2006
9:33 pm	It is so...I await the change Resistance Great and mighty serpent of fire Prince of lies and lustful desire I shall defy you to my last ragged breath I shall trust in he who defies even death Pain and heartbreak you can lay upon my broken frame But I shall spit in rebellion, for my spirit is not his to tame It is saved for another oh dark and lowly prince of decay She whom I pray for, to free my pain and show me the way Time and again you assault the tower of my soul Come like the reaper to collect his grim toll You stole my lover and set her to another I roar at you in defiance and love still my brother You strike at my heart with jealousy and shame But I shall dwell not on mine but his own name So bury me in this world of lies and fill me over with its pain But I will not yield, I will never give up, over me you shall not reign (2 Comments |Comment on this)
9:29 pm	more poems Dreams or Visions only Future can Tell Oh world forgive my being born With your lying hearts so quick to scorn Truth lays bare at your right hand Yet you reach blindly for castles of sand Always chasing your own selfish dreams in the mist Sharing without care, the sacred passion of your lovers kiss Every day is a war in this treacherous place Lies to meet my every truth, deceptive eyes in every face Do they think me the same, that my truths are void, that this all is but a game Lost in the wild I seek her name, let her find me, my heart let to tame Until that day if it ever comes to pass Keep me strong and forgive my past Set me on paths of reality, absent of illusion. And endure within this one the faith that I am not the last…….that I am not alone in my dying ideals (Comment on this)
9:25 pm	I feel so I write Dark Knight Atop the mountain they found him there In armor pitch astride his black mare His lance was of oak and shield crimson red He appeared as death itself would later be said From the saddle hung his knightly sword and mace His hands moved about the weapons with an unearthly grace Not a single word did he utter from that cage of steel The king bade him away but this knight would not kneel One by one they tried against his warrior might But none could take the victory from this fight With skill and honor did he fight each foe And those not so, with his blade he laid low In twos they tried and then in threes But none could bring him to his knees Then as night fell, by the light of the moon There came a soft song sang by a voone A song of love she sang to him, promises beneath that midnight sky She called him to come to her, and he did go, but had no wings to fly They sought his form by the light of day But found only his armor or so they say His sword they buried blade to earth A silent grave to testament his worth And it is whispered by lovers in the coldest of nights That if you go there still with love pure and right A pair of ravens you may find singing by the pale moonlight Perched on that sword, to sing the sad tale of a that lone dark knight A tale of love he lost so long ago His lady to a bard who sang to her so It pierced her heart to take from him her soul But she was called from powers beyond her control And so he sent her to this new love While his heart cried like a fall dove The world they traveled at least so the tale goes That peace they brought where once there were foes And now they return free of mortal coils, with demands of destiny met and borne To honor that knight who sacrificed his own true love to fulfill the oath he had sworn Author note: Voone is a word for Raven if you did not know (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 1st, 2006
10:15 pm	More of myself revealed My Charge Oh hear me if you can the one meant for me Where oh where can you be My soul is bleeding and my heart is cold As I search this world to bring you to my fold I thought you were her but I was blind An so still for you, the one for me I yearn to find I search beneath the moonlit sky to find you by the brook If only upon you I could look Even here across windswept seas I dream of you My soul is lost seeking one to become two I wonder if you seek me too, feeling out of place Incomplete each day weep until I see your face Oh to hear your voice and feel the brush of your lips To drown in your presence even with the slightest sips The Princess for whom I shall live The one to whom every piece of my being shall I give Love has failed me but you shall not The one for whom my life I have sought Oh dearest where are you that eludes me still Find me here and this soul you shall fill To my very soul cut me like a knife Seek me oh Love of the rest of my life Tear this life asunder and set it all to right Take this life of darkness and shed into your light I wait for you still….I wait for you always Even until the end of my days (Comment on this)
10:12 pm	Poetry from a bleeding soul That Which Still Waits in the Dark Places of My Soul Love I denied so many times before But then I was drawn beneath its wing Oh the sweetness while it lasted How I clung to it and left behind all that I was to embrace it But its promises were as hollow as I always feared And in the cold winds it abandoned me Bare to a world I had forgotten existed The sea of chaos that lay about me, the eternal war of life raged all around I reached for that sword ever-present at my hip That blade of truth and of honor that had always sworn to serve me But it was not there, my hand found only empty air I had thrown it away; cast it aside because love told me I did not need it anymore But now love was gone, it had left me behind for another it had found The cold air bites at my bared soul and I weep for what is lost Even as the wolves begin to encircle me I hear their breath at the edge of the shadows Do they smell my fear, does it excite them Can they almost taste the flesh of their prey, wounded and alone I know because I once was as they are, with cold dark eyes and long yellow fangs A sleek white pelt stained at the maw from the prey I had torn down I see them coming into the faint glow of the pale moonlight now Slowly measuring how much strength remained in me Crouching I look into their midst Perhaps I am not so weak as I had thought Perhaps those old fangs are still strong enough Maybe this torn soul has enough left in it for one last fight Love may have laid me low for my crimes against it But maybe there is more left behind than it realizes So let them come and find their feast, let them come Because I am hungry too, it has been too long since I tasted flesh with fangs of pain Perhaps they will take me and tear me limb from limb But they better not misgauge this old wolf Because once I was the best, once I hunted alone in places only packs survive And love oh deceitful love you had best pray they stop me here Because if not I will have my vengeance on you and your kind I will hunt your children in the deepest wood and tear them from their nests as they sleep You will weep oh perfect love Because the one that struck me low may be protected by the chains of my oaths But there is so much other prey in the world And now I know the ways, I know how to set the prey at ease I will whisper to it and sing to it and lay it to sleep beneath my paw Where there is happiness I will bring sorrow Where there is pleasure I will bring pain Where there is sensuality I will bring shame Where there is trust I will breed betrayal And where there is love I will tear it apart till both hearts bleed and leave them broken, I will lure them from one another and laugh as they flounder in confusion and cry out for me to help them. But I will leave them alone and confused and I shall relish in their pain because this way, I will never have to fear that love will find me again Let love fear my shadow once again……. (Comment on this)
10:00 pm	Start of the year and my posts Tell me oh world, let me hear your secrets in my dreams. AM I OBSOLETE!? Does this world have no use for my kind anymore, we who were once so very necessary? Are we now just the last of a dying breed, weeded out by natural selection in a world where we have no more function? I have come to believe this and its realization sickens my view of the world. Chivalry, honor, virtue, self-sacrifice……words lost to these times. Now replaced by its newer more progressive thoughts of acceptance, freedom, passion, and art. I once thought these things could exist in tandem, side by side but I have proof now that it is not to be so. That the ideals I envisioned as a child, of truth and justice and doing what was fair despite its cost, they are dead to the world. In my youth I let go of the ideals and embraced a life of deception, manipulation, and self-fulfillment, twisting morality and ethics to what I wanted at the time. THOSE were the happiest days of my entire life. But despite my happiness, it was a short lived time, my very being seemed drawn to codes of honor and truth. Honor was bound to me as surely as if it was interlaced in my very genetic makeup. People talked often of the respect they held for me, of how good a man I was, how they envied me. But words are all there is, no actions, no benefit for being a GOOD person. I now question myself, what is the purpose, what is the point of it all. Do I not deserve happiness too? Is this the fate of those that uphold the old ways that nurtured this world when she was weak and new? Has all memory of the Knights on thundering steeds and Samurai defending the honor of their lords with their lifeblood, passed away. Does this world not have need for such truths anymore now that they have reaped the rewards paid for by the blood of our ancestors? Are we who hold ideals at personal cost, just a left over residual that needs to fade away quietly so as not to disturb the happiness of the masses go about their self possessed existences? Once respected now we are mocked by the ones we serve, not by intention of course but by the lack of it. It’s not that they try to use us as crutches but the fact they don’t care, they lean on us like they do the others around them but because we try to hold them up they simply drag us into the abyss. I fear for my future in a way, will I find the strength to carry my ideals too the grave or will I cave before the temptation to satisfy myself. To use my talents for my own gratification and to hell with those I harm or abuse. Isn’t that the way of it now, follow MY desires, MY needs, and MY heart? Oh yes that sounds so very wondrous, to simply slip into a life where I am allowed to simply do as I wish and simply regret what I did to others? Because pleasure so quickly erases pain, the comforts of life whisking away my conscience. After all words are so easily sparred from the human heart, I can SAY whatever I want as can anyone. Of course actions are what bring us happiness and it is actions we embrace. That is the way of this world to say what we want to think we should and do whatever we DESIRE. I want what I desire again, I want that freedom, freedom from this damnable code of doing what is good, when what the rest of the world is doing what FEELS good. Is this how a knight falls I wonder, do these mere thoughts taint me in ways that cannot be purified, am I unworthy. My world in chaos and in upheaval, I feel adrift in a sea of turmoil. How will I emerge from these times, how will I be forged anew by trials of heartbreak and betrayal. By forgiveness of those I have failed in my strength and by the shattering of my idealistic view of the way my world could be. Because it can never be like I want it to be, I do not think so anymore. I must face the grim truth that I must exist in a world to which I do not belong. Such is the curse of honor, that it serves everyone except the ones that serve it. (Comment on this)